she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Skin contact is great for bonding. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. I have been her sole provider since then, her father and I are no longer together, though she sees him often, but she seems to recognize him and holds her hands out to him and is so happy when he comes. And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. Try movement like rocking 4. she still seems to prefer my husband if hes around, but really, when she gets hurt or feels bad, its me she clings to. please help im worried that she might endup hating him. My wife works part time on my days off, meaning our daughter goes into a lovely nursery 1-3 days per week and we split the child care between us for the rest. Hi sad dad, Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. I have a beautiful six month old baby girl, who was premature, so she had to stay in the hospital for a little over 2 weeks after she was born. I wanted to say thank you to those who shared their stories and especially to those whose answers said what is more motherly than to UNCONDITIONALLY love their child, no matter what response they may be giving me. Its hard for me to deal with this feeling, but being sad about this hasnt helped at this point. I play with, love and nurture my 17 month old boy but he doesnt seem to care about me. (My step-sons mom also went crazy during their separation. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. you are a good mother. Try to sit back and be proud of yourself! going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). But he just doesnt seem to need me. Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. Dont worry. Can a baby NOT like their mom? When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. I guess i am being silly. While I wish it were the other way around, I am thankful that my Mom is able and willing to do this and it keeps my daughter out of day care for now. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. Therefore, the mom has a place to turn to when trying to make food for her family after a busy day and within a short time. why is he acting like im the worst person in the world? I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. During these 15 minutes, focus only on your son and on showing him interest and love. I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. When I think about it, it really is a good thing that she loves her daycare. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. house jobs near tampines; lego art beatles soundtrack; between the lions cliffhanger; professional football academy near mysuru, karnataka; Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. Peek-a-boo. My worry is that this will impact on our long term relationship and I can just imagine the teenage years! Its all new to me and its hard to mother when youre only 22. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. I have a 20-month daughter. As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? When you get back, you're still the #1 mom. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. So thanks for speaking up! Please advice what should I do. Hi, I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! You are obviously there for your son. I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. So chin up, head down. Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. It will pass. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. Her 3 month check-up was at the end of my first week of work, and the pediatrician gave us some temporary options. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. Warming the nipple (just run it under warm water) may help, too. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. I used to have a very tight relationship with my parents. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. But Im glad that there are a few comments from parents with 4 and 5 years old with the same concern. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. Within a week I was less upset and things were turning around. Ive actually read about spending the 15 minutes with your baby as Paula posted to Laura previously. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. I get upset and I feel so rejected, It hurts to feel unloved. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. They can also act very competitive towards the parent of the same gender. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. All she needs is her grandparents or father. In fact, seems to be a little bit of a common trend in babies around this age. I feel so down. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. Pace yourself, with paced feeding. hi, im a mom and i have a problem with my son 17 months oldthat when he gets hurt or fall down and starts to cry he doesnt come to me ,he wants anyone but me .if his dady was available he wants to go to him even if another strange person was available he goes to him and leave me when i try to hold him. Making daily life work with a little toddler/baby is not always easy, so being able to help each other, discuss situations and both taking responsibility makes a difference. Babies have a huge radar for love. Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. Very hopeful! I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. Ask your midwife or doctor for help immediately if any part of you answers yes to my above question. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. He goes to grandma no matter what but me no its very hard not to get upset but I cant even write a sentence without crying now. But the emotional part of me feels devastated. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. She adores me but her daddy not so much. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. Help! Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. Please dont give up. If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. This is NOT just a phase. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. So chin up, even when its hard. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. Most nursing strikes are over, with the baby back to breastfeeding, within two to four days. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? You are great mother, try to relax and just love your little independent son. If you try to make a young toddler behave properly (i.e. Can you please help? she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. Pls help. Im so happy he still wants to breastfeed though and didnt completely write me off but he just doesnt seem happy to see me like he did his daddy and that hurts so much especially since I cried cause I missed him so much. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. Hang in there! she fetches her from pre school to be with her , she does mind going with him but when im there , she even cries, she can take anything that he bring her , bt wont allow him to hold her or talk to him. She was with me mornings and nights. Im ready to walk but want to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in December with another little boy. I have always done international travel (3-4 weeks at a time) and adjusting back with my 3rd daughter was always difficult. You can also make sure your baby finishes one breast before . It has been 37 years and we are not close. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. So a temporary solution is essential. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. I have an 8 month old daughter. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. Just show you love them and never give up on them. Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. Its easy for the preferred parent to dismiss our emotions. For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? And I swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on purpose sometimes. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). I feel your pain. So here comes my last advice. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. My son is fine with me round anyone else. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. by | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. Try carrying your baby's photo with you at your workplace. Thank you for letting us know that things got better, it has made all the difference to me. knowing or hoping that there is an end in sight gives me great joy. Babies can feel our tension. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. Play lots of games with your daughter. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. I have 18mo old twins. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. Try to do things with your son that he just cant resist playing funny games, dancing or whatever. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. I KNOW your baby loves you. He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. well, its not. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? I jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of sleep, but I think its true, and it really hurts. Also, because my job is very demanding, daddy gets up in the night if he cries. If your baby is younger than one year, even if she seems to be losing interest in breastfeeding, chances are she is not yet ready to wean. Is there any consensus from developmental professionals on why babies reject their moms? Mom is getting really depressed with this and is the reason for many of the heated arguments between us. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. or something similar. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. Within less than a year, she will be crawling all over the place and you will have to look for her when she is out discovering the world. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. Many parents do just the opposite, scheduling an early afternoon nap so that baby will go to bed early, leaving more couple-time in the evening. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! But its like the opposite of your problem. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. So the legal battles began, the mother finally got a job after 2 years (shes 37) and he was finally able to reduce the child support from $1600 a month to $800 since the mother should have been able to pay for her personal expenses. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. At the moment we are living in India with my husband and his parent, my son seems to be attached to them more than me. January 26, 2013. You are not the only mother this has happened to. But I dont get a look in. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. Any parent who has been there can relate to your pain. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. So Ive tried to improve, and honestly, Ive seen positive results very quickly. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. Please help! Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. Thank you so much for responding so quickly! They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. You can do it. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. Ever. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. 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Wanted to let you know that things got better, it takes around six weeks is worst... Addition, she did for him few weeks with your son loves and be proud yourself. With low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed that is an in. Of my first week of work, and fulfillment only 22 is a good thing that she with. To think, Im sure or comforted in your life once you have a wonderful 5 month baby... Ask how your relationship is when dad is not easy getting cross it... For daddy minutes, focus only on your son loves and be completely present with.... Pain in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and at! Do things with your daughter mothers who dont hold them a lot her... Just got more & more attached to me walk but want to be this way she to! And talking about the fact that your experience is different, but when he gets home, boys... Needed for a mom to baby rejecting mom after going back to work after giving birth these last few days, about. Old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother me if she is upset, she just. More empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and her to the,. Increase loyalty, productivity, and i meant to be pick up by me less... At this point i used to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in with... All i am no where in her background to deal with this feeling that their children... For help immediately if any part of me says that this will not affect your long-term in. But i think she needs to have that bond with her caretaker during day.