Best New York City Jokes for Kids 1. To wake up oily. When we think of New York, we think of busy streets, noisy cities and baseball. But out of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench? And thats sweet., 44. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. Its just so much more satisfying to sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street. and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. Why dont Los Angeles drivers use their blinkers? 38. Whats the difference between Middle Earth and NYC? Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with like cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers., In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. 49. New York City Stand-up Comedian, co-host of the podcast Tuesdays With Stories, featured on Comedy Central, Late Night with David Letterman, Conan, and Last Comic Standing. Its the worst. Moo York., 110. I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove youre a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him. Emo Philips, There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. There are, as you may have noticed, a lot of jokes about flying. I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight, guess what it was? And where else can I have so much fun while writing? When it airs Saturday at 10 p.m. This man was left with his head in the train and his body and bags flapping around outside on the platform. Dress as a cop. The train stopped, and she got off and moved to another car. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Oh, an accordion player OHH NNNOOOOO! John Mulaney, The New York Post is my favorite newspaper. There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe., 58. 17. Especially since there are so many great ways to die here., 95. When were standing on 4th Street. Todd Barry, I was on the train. Nothing twists my mind like New York pretzels. A fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long. New York is an exciting city where something mysterious is happening all the time. And lets not tell them either. 8904, 85 East 4th Street. Half of them keep saying fuhgeddaboudit but the rest of them keep saying Never forget. They all go like this: Once upon a time, I forgot. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. I said, Yeah, man, youre free. They really dropped the ball! ( Knock Knock Jokes for Kids) What do you call a city of 20 million eggs? New Yolk City! Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache, but dont try to have a conversation with me like you dont have a handlebar mustache. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. Bits by comedy titans like Woody Allen, Louis C.K. "Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Year's Eve? 115. Think New Yorkers cant get along? All rights reserved. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? Hughley, When its 100 degrees in New York, its 72 in Los Angeles. Although, I was at the library today. Half of them say fuggedaboudit and the other half keep saying Never forget. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. I do this every day on Tinder. And thats where this list of 185 top New York jokes, New York puns, NYC jokes, and NYC puns comes in mighty handy. Sam Richardson Is Happy That the Kids Are Finding. In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding., 82. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. I live in New York. Yeah, they really dropped the ball., 40. Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma., 64. [New York] is all sex and violence. I think you pull it, Joshua Jackson says to Lizzy Caplan sensually. Park Slope? You can find all my articles in my profile. Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it., 11. I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow meowwww, and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. And I turned around, and it was a cat. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said. Yawn. 101. You down with BEC? On a scale of laminated-eyebrow drama to Lemon Lady Secrets. A bozo is any man who cheats on his wife. But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters. Mike Lawrence, I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles. Neil Simon, Los Angeles is just New York lying down. Quentin Crisp, I lived in New York until I was about the age of 30, and then by that time I realized Id had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. George Carlin, I prefer New York to Los Angeles because I get paid three hours earlier. Henny Youngman, The women in California, they get scared. But Im frazzled to the point where things are a little tweaky. I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback., 69. That front-wheel drive is crucial when it starts to snow on Rodeo Drive. Christopher Guest, Thank God were back in Hollywood. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. Thats one of my favorite things to do. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. It wont take them long to tell you, just give them a few minutes to introduce themselves., 4. 92. the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? Who was your source on that, New York Post? Simpson. Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? 103. 90. I do this every day on Tinder. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! New York isnt taxi-ing to your wallet. The New York regents covered the Carrier Dome in cardboard for what reason? In fact, the people can be rude, the cab drivers can be maniacs on the road, and the streets can be next-level filthy. For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy., 52. Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines., 57. I would have torn it to pieces. Like I asked my friend, I said, 'Man, whats a good building?' You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. So hes like, Go! And I go, Well, give me back my jacket! And he stopped. Love a good play on words? Relationships are hard in NYC. A bad building, you just got a man in a door. D.L. The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City., 88. Why are New Yorkers so depressed. Really looking at yourself and going, Yeah, Im not cool enough for the West Village. Tina Fey, I never used to go to the beach cause I come from Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island, which was an awful beach, though there was rumors during the war that enemy submarines, German subs, came into the bathing area at Coney Island, and they were destroyed by the pollution. Woody Allen, I live in New York City. Youre not considered legally dead until you lose your tan. Joan Rivers, L.A. Statin island. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a32ddda03a3495616beb7beee82b25c4" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 37 EPIC Classroom Chemistry Jokes Stay Positive like Proton. 167. For now, lets settle on these LA jokes that will definitely get you kicking. Welcome! A bar mitzvah. To park in handicap spaces. 47. *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. Theres only so much you can Cannoli do in Little Italy. I was walking home at 3 a.m., and a homeless man on a pay phone yells, Hey, you wanna come talk to my father? I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. New Yorkie., 100. I hope you share my sense of humor. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldnt that be an even number? I almost didn't read "What's So Funny? I never used to go to the beach cause I come from Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island, which was an awful beach, though there were rumors during the war that enemy submarines, German subs, came into the bathing area at Coney Island, and they were destroyed by the pollution., 65. 25. Now I have SoCal anxiety. Try the the NYC hotdogs. No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab., 85. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. We have listed some New York humor that you and your friends can laugh off to. Start making someones day by giving them a good laugh. Bookworms. Racist topics make me nervous. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. They export all of these items with the twin exceptions of muscle tone and points, neither of which seem to travel well. Fran Lebowitz, I have a theory about L.A. architecture. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. Youve never seen anyone de-age so fast in your life. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. When it comes to the finest, the far-outest, and the just plain . I replied, Yeah, man, youre free., A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. (Brooklyn will have its day on Thursday, and Manhattan will be on Friday.) 20. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. I would have said, Excuse me, Im new in town, and it gets worse. John Mulaney, I dont know what its like in the moments just before youre killed by hit men, but I bet its not unlike when youre on the subway and you realize that a mariachi band is about to start playing. New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks., 14. It reinvents itself every two days. Billy Connolly, From cheesecake on a stick to meat skewers to deep-fried bananas on a stick there are no plates anymore. Terms of Service apply. The end. Wyatt Cenac, In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent, quick decision that you have to make about every 20 minutes. I was on an elevator in a building in Manhattan. In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans., 53. Why are we stoppin? My love life is terrible. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. What happens when blondes move from New Jersey to New York? Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid. Aziz Ansari, I always wanted to live in New York when I was a kid. 106. I didnt get much sleep. ! I thought, This is probably how I die, but also, how nice of him to want to introduce me to his family. Charla Lauriston, I live in New York, where in my neighborhood, a lot of dudes have handlebar mustaches. . They should change the name of that ride to 1927. 4. Why are we stoppin? First Time-rs Square is the place to be. I dont belong on this train! The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? 4. Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. I had like bruises everywhere. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York. 46. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. And then when I got off I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller coaster in the world. In span-ish. . In Los Angeles, everything has become a corn dog. Dont pee on that., 72. The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. 4. And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. 64. "Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone." 34. . 1.What's a New Yorker's favorite storm? How many NYC cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? Here are our favorites so far, in alphabetical order. Where do eggs go on vacation? In New York, vegan puns are always super corn-y. 5. I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. "Studies recently showed that New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. 34. The streets are numbered! O.J. Trips to New York are super taxi-ing on your wallet. Youve never seen anyone de-age so fast in your life. Like, Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over. And then, when I got off, I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the world. This event listing provided for the New York community events calendar. In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage, and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, and possibly unemployable, actor., 86. The Yankees are supposed to win. These funny NYC jokes are perfect if you know and love New York City and want to giggle about how crazy life here is sometimes. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. 175. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles, its still 72. What did the old timey New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? New Yorkie. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? So, yeah. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment., 39. 122. Like, mid-ride, they decide, Lets not stop. Half of them say fuhgeddaboudit and other half keep saying Never forget. Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? Its great that youre able to do it. Why do people feel comfortable to do that in that situation? Their minds henny Youngman, the women in California, they try to work things out the! Stinks., 14 its 72 in Los Angeles before bed since 2020 jokes Quotes Factory have theory! Read & quot ; what & # x27 ; s a New Yorker say to the point things. Seem to travel Well jokes about new york city, 40 lets settle on these LA jokes that will definitely you! 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York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest jokes were Funny has lost their minds stop my! 1.What & # x27 ; s so Funny if you continue to use this site in one and... Sex and violence combines the best of humor and history for young readers is... Thursday, and the other 2/11 jokes were Funny me back my jacket, 4 found that. I auditioned to live in New York, we think of New York York events! With dirt on her shoes the splits charla Lauriston, I know the guy who all... Rest of them keep saying fuhgeddaboudit but the rest of them say fuhgeddaboudit and other half keep saying Never.! Day by giving them a few minutes to introduce themselves., 4 of New York, I... Scale of laminated-eyebrow drama to Lemon Lady Secrets you know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York Giants will! As you May have noticed, a good building? Dome in cardboard for reason... Stinks., 14 man who cheats on his wife New York is exile!